Here's the short-ish version:
I now have not one but two computers that don't work. The old one will work for very minimal non-RAM-intensive things (like this blog post as long as there are no photos and no other windows are open), but the new one won't connect to the internet and regularly needs to have a System Repair. I have no idea what any of this means or why it's doing it but I have someone who will come look at it and perhaps take it with him to fix in the next day or so.
In the meantime, I'm still not able to do much of anything. When the new computer is behaving properly (without internet but able to use it at all) I've been able to edit photos for the upcoming blog posts so you will have plenty to read when it all comes to pass.
Sending up positive thoughts to the universe or offering prayers would not be out of line at this point.